Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
Today we'll be discussing how to be open and honest with not only yourself but with your partner. Why? Miscommunication in regards to what you want out of a relationship can lead to resentment later on. It can also lead to wasted energy on a relationship that wouldn't have worked. Need an example?
Kids. Kids is a big part of a relationship for a lot of people. When someone hears the person they are dating doesn't want kids, they will have a tendency to stay around hoping to change the other's mind. This is not something that really can be changed. They either want kids or don't. It can change later on in people's lives if situations change or they find the right person but that doesn't mean they'll change for you. You may not be the right person or you both are in different points in your lives. Maybe they are mature enough to know if that's what they want while the other is still in the experimental stage of dating.
So how to do this honesty step? Look into yourself first. Are you just getting out of a negative relationship? Do you like the single life? Would you rather focus on your purpose or goals first? Are you mature enough for a committed relationship? Can you be committed to one person or do your eyes have a tendency to wander? Be honest with yourself. This is for both men and women, do not get with someone that is ready for a committed relationship if you aren't.
Ladies don't see marriage as your goal. This will lead to making a choice based on if they are ready to marry where you may not be at that point in your life. Focus more on a committed relationship. Focus more on the communication, on your ability to work as a team, and the will to over come mountains together. Do not use men. Make it clear at the beginning what you want. Don't sugar coat and do not lead them on.
Men, if you are not ready for commitment, be honest. Don't hold on to a woman because you like being with her. If you aren't looking for anything serious long term let her know so you both can move on and find what you are looking for. If you don't want kids, either with her or don't want kids at all, express this clearly. Don't lead her on with the "maybe in a few years" approach. Most men will know if they are ready for that or not. In fact if they do, when asked, they'll say, "Yes in a few years" or "Once I have stability I want kids"
If you got out of a bad relationship, are you ready for any relationship? Did the partner cheat on you? If so is your self esteem low? Why not work on yourself instead of rushing into a relationship? Being hurt from past relationships can lead to negative comparisons from your past relationship to your current. In other words you would be living in the past instead of looking forward.
Yes there are stereotypes with men and women in relationships. The thing to remember that those do not mean everyone of the gender. Not every one is going to cheat on you. Not everyone is going to use you for money. Not everyone is going to hide their past from you. If you are living in the past you'll be waiting for the other shoe to drop. This can lead to accusations, anger, and pushing your partner away because you become so sure there is something you don't see. Acceptance is key. Accepting that the situation happened to you and realizing this is not everyone.
Next is to decide you deserve better. Believe this. If you don't, then take the time to get help or work on yourself till you do believe this. This doesn't mean act like you deserve only perfection or the best, but understanding that you don't deserve to be treated the way you were. This will give you strength when dealing with new relationships and you'll be more likely to hold your ground on what's acceptable.
If someone breaks your trust in terms o f cheating walk away. Yes I know so many people talk about how it can be repaired. Yet again, these are outliers. If you believe you don't deserve to be cheated on then don't give in when they say, "It was a mistake!" No. Hold your ground, and no matter how much it hurts, walk away. The odds it'll happen again if you take them back is stacked against you. So don't play the game. They do not value you as much as you value them. So why waste any more of your time?
These are all examples of looking into yourself and being honest. Figure out what you want and where you stand in your life. Then be honest with the other person. Be open. If you need time to heal then take the time. Want to work on your purpose then do so. Not interested in being in one relationship and would prefer to date multiple, then be honest. A lot of people now a days seem to think they need a relationship to be happy so they will rush into things or not be honest about what they really want. Then when things come to a head later on, the other will feel used and manipulated which can lead to hurt feelings that will follow into new relationships.
If they are being honest with you, don't lead them on. If they are looking for a committed relationship long term and you don't think you'll reach that point in months, let alone years, then let them know and let them go. No more maybe. This word can be seen as a very manipulative term as it leaves it open ended with no concrete answer. This is a problem when the goals for the relationship are so drastically different. So let's stop using this word and others like it. Instead give a concrete answer. Even an "I don't know and I don't think I'll know any time soon." is more concrete than a "maybe"
So lets start being honest in our relationships to prevent misunderstandings and pain. Don't cause other's pain because it was done to you. Let your past lie in the past and learn from it. Don't hold on to it.
As always take hold of your own future.
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