Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
With aps like Bumble where the women are forced to take the first step in asking someone out (which is what they asked for right?) and the normal social norms in general today, the questions comes up with how you ask someone out often. Not just females as there are an increasing number of men who also have no idea how to approach this topic. This leads to less confidence which is important in a relationship. Today we'll see if we can help you out with this.
First, understand you will survive a rejection: This is very important because when you understand that you'll survive a rejection, then you'll be able to handle it better. This means you'll be able to move on quickly and not let it destroy your self esteem. No matter if you are a man or woman, you will survive a rejection. It'll hurt, and you may feel embarrassed but tomorrow you'll still be alive. So go into the situation confident but prepared for the rejection. Why? Being prepared will prevent you from looking devastated after the rejection. Accepting that rejection is not the end of the world will build your confidence because you know if the rejection comes, you won't let it destroy you.
Second try to look good when you go out: We all feel better when we look better. So why risk that one day you don't look anywhere near good, when you see that person you want to ask out. The best way to take advantage of circumstances when they come around is by always dressing to boost your confidence. So dress well, and take care of yourself just in case.
Do some research: Why not take a look around the area you live to find cheaper spots to take a date. Why? So you always have a place in mind, or a back up plan. The person doesn't like parks, okay well what about bowling? It'll look better on you as well if you immediately have a back up in case you don't know their interests. It also shows if they are actually interested in you or if they are trying to let you down gently.
Now ask: This is about as honest as it can get. You may be yelling at me, "You're a woman, you've probably never asked someone out." You'd be wrong. I have. As a teenager I thought asking someone out was important for the equality movement that was starting to take hold. Yup, even I fell victim to this movement as a teen. Although I will admit it was a bit confusing. On one end you are being told, that equality is best. On the other hand you have woman who agree with the previous statement but then turn around to say "It's a man's job" Anyway, this is off topic. Point is that as a teen I learn that that embarrassment of the rejection, wore off pretty quickly. It may have had a bit to do with my optimistic view of the world but I think it had more to do with the fact that no one cared. I asked and no one made a big deal of it. Only I was. The other person forgot all about me and my tests still had to be taken the next day. So, just ask the person. You don't want to be that person who slightly stalks them as you gather up the courage to ask them out after 45 minutes. Instead, just go up and take your shot. Even if they record you, you'd be surprised how many people will respect the fact that you at least tried.
What to say: Some people will tell you to find out more about their interests but this is not going to work. Especially if it's a stranger on the street. No one wants a random stranger coming up and asking them all sorts of questions trying to see if they can find some way to ask the person out. So instead of asking all those questions and possibly loose your confidence, keep it short. Need a example?
ex. 1: Hey, excuse me. I just wanted to know know if you'd want to meet up for some coffee. Get to know each other a bit.
Now if you know her/his interests then you can adjust to invite them to do something with you. If they are into games, invite them to a game you play. If they like running or exercising, invite them to work out together. While finding out if you have interests is ideal, it isn't always possible, especially if you see someone in the mall you think is attractive. If you are still feeling unnerved, remember, it is better to know the answer than to ponder the "what if's"
Keep an eye on body language: Keep an eye on the body language of the other person. If they seem stand offish, or resistant to conversation then best to walk away because they have no interest. If they stop what they are doing, look at your face to keep eye contact and seem to be waiting then go on ahead to keep going. Body language is important here as it'll help you quickly realize if someone is interested or is ready to sprint away from you.
She/he said yes: Now that they said yes maybe you want to choose the place. If you are a women and still want him to lead, why not ask if he has any good places he knows. Or ask him to surprise you. If you are a man, and want to appear confident, then don't ask her where.
"Great! Meet up at the park, Saturday at 6?"
Try to keep the date simple and easy on your pockets. You don't know if anything will come from this, and no need to go broke if it won't last.
She/he said she doesn't like...: Okay so they didn't like the first suggestion? Well then use one of your back ups that would be considered the opposite. So if they don't like outside activities, try indoor activities. If they say no a second time, then say your good byes.
"What? But they didn't reject me, I just don't know the interests."
Look, if you keep asking or suggesting, you'll look desperate. Just say,
"Okay, thanks anyway."
"Alright, see ya."
and walk away. For one, if she/he was interested she/he would have suggested something after the first try. So they are probably trying to let you down gently (in their mind) or are playing games. Better to just walk away and avoid that situation.
She/He said no: Okay now you say "thanks anyway" and walk. Or say what ever type of short goodbye and leave. Don't let them see it bugs you. In fact don't let it bug you. There'll be others, and you will survive this. Don't insult them, just keep it short and polite as you exit the area.
I hope this helps or at least gives anyone who may need it some basics on how to ask someone out. Confidence is a big part of it, but the rest of these will help boost it even more. Having a plan for the best case, and being prepared for the worst eases your mind when taking the shot. As always, take hold of your own future.
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