Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
Many of you know this conversation starter. The reason you may be reading it may be because you want to know how to start the conversation or, it was said to you and you aren't sure how to respond. Here are some things to consider when you are in either of the situation.
Past: Take a look at the past. If you are suggesting it, think about their past. Do they have as much experience? If they don't then you'll want to ease them into this conversation. They may be shy or unsure of themselves. Try showing them examples so they get an idea. If the spouse has a past and has done it all, then you need to look at why they my be saying no. Maybe their past makes them feel dirty and they want that to lie in the past. Or maybe they don't see you that way. What does that mean? They may not be as attracted to you as you think. For these, you need an honest conversation with the other. Try to explain why this is important to you and that you want to experience it with them. Is this a deal breaker? It can be. Intercourse is more than just an act.
Religion: Some were raised by a highly religious family where certain acts may be considered dirty or they were only taught of the traditional way. This just takes time, Religion is a wonderful, spiritual connection. To get past some of the myths created around certain religions, talk to them about it. Make sure they know this is just between a husband and wife. Again it'll take time. Look up examples, or try suggesting something else first. If you are the religious one who is on the other end, research. If it's just between a husband and wife, then give it a try. You may find out you like it. Not to mention as the experimentation goes further, he may be willing to try things for you.
Is this a deal breaker: It can be. I'm not going to lie to you. Especially if you have an adventurous past but refuse to do that with your spouse. This can be devastating to them. Even if they don't know your past, and they find out later, it'll be a blow up. Spicing up the bedroom can be a wonderful and exciting journey for both partners. It'll lead to a deeper connection and it'll bring the excitement many couples complain about not having later on. The bedroom is one of the biggest issues in a failing relationship. So really think about this. Is what your partner asking really all that horrible? Has there been things you've asked them to do that they may not have done otherwise? (Did you ask them to stop eating ice cream ect..) You may think, "That is not the same thing." Why not? Did they love ice cream? Was it a complete change of part of their lifestyle? Did you ask them to start eating healthier? More greens, and less meat? You may say, "But that is for their health!" Okay what about their sexual health? Keep this in mind if you are asked, because if they have changed for you why not give it a shot? Otherwise it could easily be a deal breaker.
We don't have time: This is an excuse. You can make time. "But we have the kids after work." Okay so ask your parents to watch the kids a bit longer on date night. Ask to see if they are willing to have the kids over for a sleep over, so you and your spouse has a night. "I've worked all day. I'm tired." Well how often do you say this? Once and a while is understandable but if it is all the time, tie to look at why. Are you avoiding it? Are you in a lot of pain? Insomnia? Many of these can be fixed with a conversation with your partner. In fact if you say in response, "I really try these things with you. I need help first so it can be more enjoyable and more often." Then you two look at solving it.
It's not my job: Well then don't be surprised when your spouse leaves. This attitude is negative. After a reply like this he or she may decide the tasks they normally do aren't their job either. Well know you have passive aggressive behavior and spite on both sides. Who wants to live in that kind of environment? This also kills any negotiating later on as you refused to compromise in any way on something they feel is important.
They got the idea from porn and I hate that: So blame an entire industry because they want to go on a sexual journey with you? Not going to go over well. If you don't want them watching so much porn, then the best way is to try this stuff with them. Or better yet watch it with them. This industry gets so much attention because what it really shows is what spouses are unwilling to do. Women hate this industry because they are unwilling to try any of it. Or they don't see a way they can do those positions due to body size, flexibility, or not enough experience. This in return makes them feel bad about themselves so instead of trying to change it they dismiss it.
End of the day, it comes down to competition. If this is a big reason why relationships fail then be the outlier. You don't need to explore with only hook ups. Try exploring with your partner. If you aren't ready for what they suggest, try a compromise. "Well I'm not ready for that yet, but I do want to try this instead." Relationships are all about compromise and balance. You never know, you may just find out things about your spouse you've never known. It'll be like getting to know another part of them.
As always, take your future into your own hands.
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