Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
Today we're going to talk about the "Nice Guy" routine. I'm sure many of you men have heard that this doesn't work. Well you heard right. Why? Let's discuss.
Selfishness: The nice guy routine is based on an idea of giving your all for the one you love and all will be well with rainbows and white picket fences. This is what we are told. The truth is a bit more complex. The nice guy routine is actually very selfish. They want to be validated by their acts of love. This can create a problem when the women's idea of an act of love isn't theirs and no validation occurs. They try to fix other peoples' problems without being asked. They will attempt to tell you what you should do to be happy leading to unsolicited advice that creates strain on other relationships in their lives. This entire persona is based on a selfish need of validation or neediness that tends to wear others down emotionally.
No self improvement: The nice guy tends to hide his flaws from others. He may even change the way he does things to satisfy those around him by doing things, "the right way" This leads to no self improvement. To improve you must see your flaws. By just accepting the "right way", you never search for a better way. Just because everyone in your family is poor at money managing, should you also sacrifice your future by not learning better management skills? Same thing with self improvement. Just because something is deemed the "Right way" doesn't mean it is. The best way to improve yourself is by realizing there are flaws and knowing there are other ways.
Control: When nice guys are nice, there are strings attached. No matter who it is, they expect a behavior in kind. If they get you a gift, they expect one in turn. This leads to unrealistic expectations and high expectations for those around them. People will stop taking favors from them as they realize it always come with an expectation in return. When they realize it is not being reciprocated in kind then the passive aggressive behavior takes hold.
Passive Aggressive behavior: Unless you are dating those few women that are not passive aggressive, then this becomes a huge problem. Can guys be passive aggressive? Yes, anyone can. So what's the problem? The problem comes when it becomes so common that your women starts seeing you acting like a women. Men handle their emotions either right away or they walk away to their man cave or man space to deal with it internally. Maybe they go exercise, fishing, hunting, or golfing to help the organize their thoughts. They generally don't use subtle, negative actions the same way they don't use hints to get their points across. A man will tell you how it is.
Rage: No one expects a nice guy to get angry. Push him enough and he will. Remember he is passive aggressive so when too much gets bottled up and it explodes. This generally happens at a boiling point of too much stress or realization that their generosity is not being reciprocated. They also have a tendency to deny their feelings and remind themselves that everything is alright, nothing is wrong. This leads to a very unhealthy blow out.
A woman can not give you your self-worth: I hate to break it to you men, but a women will never be able to give you your self worth. Even traditional women can't do this. They can stand beside you on your path to find it but they can not give it to you. Only you can give yourself your self worth. It's same with women. No matter how much you compliment a women, you can never give her self esteem back, she needs to find it herself. You as men, need to find your self worth. A nice guy does this by constantly looking for her approval or try to avoid disapproval. You are not her slave. You do not need her approval. You need her respect and being the nice guy is not the way to do it.
Nice guy is an extreme: The opposite of nice guy is narcissists. So what does this mean? The "Alpha males" that are being talked about all the time now are actually in the middle of the spectrum. Nice guy sacrifices everything for others in hope of validation. Narcissists are so focused on themselves that they disregard others. Nice guy changes for you (the woman) and narcissists require you to change to meet their needs. In other words, it is an extreme on the spectrum just on the other end. Extremes are dangerous because it leads to an unhealthy relationship that is one sided.
Isn't exhausting?: I suppose this goes without saying. Trying to constantly please another person is emotionally and physically exhausting as all of your time is being occupied by pleasing the other person. This means you have little time to work on yourself and your self care will take a hit. You could also become actually sick from the anxiety of not being able to please the person. This is horrible and unhealthy.
The crying is too much: Yes men can have feelings. I am not disagreeing with that. Yes, there are perfect reasons for men to cry. Every day is not one of them. Do not whine about your problems like a woman. What I mean by this is that woman need to vent in order to let their emotions equal back out. Only when our emotions are back to normal can we work out a solution to our problem. Men, find the solutions. Ever see a man deep in thought? Then he is trying to find a solution. It may be a simple question but he evaluates it and then solves it. When it doesn't work, he stops and re analyzes it. Women may seem to want men to be a sound board first and then look for a solution with him. Just because we do that to men, doesn't mean we want that from our men. Again, men are problem solvers. Not whiners. There are plenty of times when you can talk to your woman, (if she's traditional) about how you feel but it is not going to be every day and she will loose respect if you start complaining about how life is unfair because another worker got the promotion you've been aiming for.
So, how do you change this? Try accepting every part of yourself. Become one with your masculinity, power, courage and passion along with your flaws you may have. Then work on self improvement. Work on a healthy assertiveness, that allows you to stand up to others, stand your ground and take the lead into the unknown future. Work on being comfortable in your own skin and learning how to defend yourself. Being able to protect is a fundamental part of what men are. Don't fight this. Work on it instead. Take up self defense classes and de escalation courses. If you want to be a "man" then work on what makes men well, men. Not the feminists ideas either. Look at traditional women and what they love about their man. Most, remember you are no one's servant. So don't treat them like a master. You want to find someone who respects you and values you and what you bring to the relationship.
Again I encourage you to look around and confirm what I am saying.
As always, take a hold of your own future.
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