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Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
There has been a trend that has gained a lot of traction in the last few years. Polygamy. What is polygamy? The practice or custom of having more than one wife or husband at the same time. Does it work? Well lets discuss.
There will always be outliers, but I do not give advice based on outliers. Here are the common problems associated with this topic.
They are using it as an excuse: This is where the women or man brings it up. Say you've had a successful relationship, at least in your eyes, and it comes up out of the blue. This usually is just an excuse to cheat. People know pretty early on if they can be devoted to one person or not. If they bring it up out of the blue, usually means they either are cheating or they haven't but really want to sleep with someone they've met without consequences. This is a red flag. Do not, no matter what gender, give in to this! If you are not comfortable with it, stick up for yourself. You might also want to speak to a divorce lawyer. Even if they do let it go, the odds are against you that they will stay faithful.
Trust is gone: You can not build this back easily when it is gone. Even if you end up not opening the relationship, they will now believe you are cheating. Especially if this is an out of the ballpark request after 8+ years of marriage. They are going to wonder, simmer in anger and mistrust. Start controlling behavior and wanting to know where you are all the time. If you do open the relationship, and your partner only does it to not loose you, then they are feeling manipulated and low self esteem. In other words, the negative feelings will sit and stew inside them and eventually this can lead to a blow up later on.
It's your low self esteem: It's not their problem your self esteem is low and you want to fix it by short term gratification. If you are only suggesting this because you haven't been feeling great about yourself, or someone is giving you attention that makes you feel good, that is your problem. Why? Because you aren't talking to your spouse about it. If you refuse to talk to them about it, how are they going to help you? Sleeping with others is only short term gratification, those people will be ore than happy to sleep with you and maybe get you a gift now and again. Those same people will also run the opposite way when you ask for commitment. So instead why not talk to your spouse and figure out what you need help with? Why? Because they took the vows with you. They are in it for the long term. So ask for help, open up communication instead of destroying a relationship.
Only one partner will usually be sleeping around: Polygamy is not just for one partner. So if you find that she or he is doing all the sleeping around and experimenting while you are slowly looking around for dates or just not dating, you should probably stop. This shows you that you are monogamy and this does not match the spirit of someone who is polygamy. In order for it to work, both will want to do this, not just one side.
She or he will become jealous: You give it a try. You go on a few dates. Then you meet someone that lights the fire back up inside you. Your connection is strong and they aren't interested in polygamy. Sex with your married spouse slows to a sudden halt while you pursue this other relationship. Your spouse notices. All of a sudden they want it to end. 'I was wrong, you are the only one for me!" "I had to try it to figure out that all I wanted is you!" Then they demand and fight for their marriage back. You might be wondering, what does this mean? It means they weren't expecting you to catch the eye of anyone because they had lost respect for you. Now that there is competition, they have to end it. Because deep down they know they can't compete. The problem is the damage is done. You found someone younger and more appreciative, and who respects you. This is where polygamy falls apart when it is introduced later in a normally monogamy relationship.
Has anyone thought about kids: When kids are introduced, this tends to complicate relationships. Now imagine having kids from your husband and then your partner. Will your husband be the one to pay for all kids? What if he gets his partner pregnant? Will you all live under the same roof? "I can't have kids." Okay so maybe you are older and can't have kids. But do either partner have kids? How old are they? Will you need to be involved, or are they going to keep you as a secrete from their family? Children complicate regular relationships with the added stress and worries that come along. Added on jealous feelings with one set of kids getting more attention than the other and you have a possible war zone.
You'll end up risking your marriage: If you know that your husband or wife is not interested in a polygamy relationship, either end it or control yourself. End it if this is actually how you feel. Don't try to change your husband or wife to fit what you want. If this is not how you feel, and you are trying to use it to cheat or get away with sleeping around, stop. Think about what you are risking. Your marriage, your stability, and even your sense of calm. Just because you don't think they are a catch doesn't mean everybody agrees with you. They will find someone, probably younger, ore attractive and more loyal than a wife or husband that brings up polygamy just to escape responsibility for sleeping around. This will destroy any self esteem progress you think you've made from the short term gratification of sleeping with others.
This is a shorter blog, but just as important. Polygamy can work and does with outliers. The problem is humans are naturally possessive and don't like to share. If you are thinking about bringing this up to get a free pass at cheating or sleeping around without any thought to your spouse, stop and think. You may find that everything that I say in this blog actually happens to you. Then the person you love or at least the person who sup[ported you, is gone forever and you are now single.
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