Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
With this post we'll be talking about when you should either propose or accept a proposal. It may seem clear cut. When the butterflies settle down and you are comfortable in your relationship. After you live together, or after you've spent enough time together side by side. You'd be wrong. Why? Let's get into it.
At least 2 and half years together: Why? To make sure they are not manipulating or lying to you. Simple enough? I'm sure you are stating that would never happen. Yet it happens all the time now a days. While women are more known for playing this card, now men are as well. Once they know they have you, it's like a flip of a switch. Their whole personality changes. They may quite working even if there are no kids involved, start nagging you to the point nothing you do is right, in essence they deceived you. I would suggest 3 or more years with a person to see how they act and to see if there are any red flags. It is extremely hard to keep up an act for 3 or more years and eventually they'll break and show you a part of their true colors. Need another reason why you should wait? To see how they respond under stress. This is extremely important as a marriage is not simple, and has variations that can be considered highs and lows. Highs are easy compared to the extreme stress that comes from unexpectant situations you are not prepared for. You need to know how a person reacts under these situations to see if you are compatible. This extra time also helps you figure out how the other handles finances and if they are ready for the long term. Things they'll say in approval of an act their friends do can be a red flag or maybe you just want to see if they believe everything CNN says. Either way, this extra time will help to really get to know someone and see if you are able to work together to overcome anything life throws at you.
You consult each other before making big plans: This sounds silly but is actually a big part of a relationship. Consulting each other is considering the other person's views, time, and want the other's input. This is a huge deal as it shows you both mutually respect each other. Think of it more along the lines of sharing a home. Someone who respects you would not bring someone in your home that you don't want there. Someone who doesn't care, will be more than happy to let anyone into the place you consider as safe and turn your world upside down.
Your morals and values line up: If not the same pretty close to the same. If you can't stand people who leave that shopping cart in the middle of a parking spot and your partner does it, this could easily lead to a full blown argument. Seems stupid? It's actually deeply rooted in your morals. If you two are arguing over a shopping cart because you see it as being lazy and disrespectful, while they see it as no big deal it will only get worse. So making sure your morals and values match is essential to a healthy relationship.
You are aware of your future goals: This is not the same thing as you may be thinking. I'm not talking so much about finances, although that helps. I'm talking about figuring out how your relationship will turn out in terms of who will be working, taking the career route, if both will be or if one stays home. You don't want to already have kids before that conversation takes place. Figuring it out early is the best way to prevent misunderstandings later on.
You know about their past relationships: If this has not already been dealt with, deal with it before marriage. Please. Save yourself all the trouble of finding out later on that they have a crazy ex that will try to kill you or they have a lot more experience that they are trying to hide. Meet with their friends, figure out old stories of them. And let people talk to see what their past actually is. Honesty is important and you don't want the marriage to start off as a scam.
You talk to them about the good and bad: This is another respect aspect that also falls under honesty. You will only talk to someone about the good and bad in your life if you trust them. Trust is the foundation of a relationship.
Lastly You speak in "We, we'll" vs "I or I'll": This can be really simple but it shows that you are starting to to think as a couple or as a unit vs separate. If you have ever seen kids try to turn one parent against each other you know how important this can be. It is also important because in a marriage you are more like a unite than separate. You do taxes together, set financial goals together, even grieve together. If both of you are not using "we" and "we're" then you are not on the same page.
You are on page with children: Don't push this off! This should have been known early on in the relationship but at least make sure you have this understanding before marriage. Wanting the exact amount may not be as important as knowing if you want one or two, or more. Make sure this is understood. If your partner doesn't want kids, you won't be able to change their mind.
You can laugh together: This may not seem as important but it is. Laughter can help relieve stress and tension especially in a bad situation. This doesn't mean they are the court jester but a good laugh in the midst of pain can help a lot.
These are only guidelines but should go into figuring out if this next step is right for you. As always, take hold of your own future. If you like our content please follow us and share! Your support helps this blog stay independent from the current social norms in the world today. Leave a comment if you have a question or a topic you want us to discuss. Thank you to all of our readers!
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