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Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,
I saw this article by Jessica M. Goldstein ( https://www.washingtonian.com/2021/12/03/more-and-more-women-are-paying-alimony-to-failure-to-launch-ex-husbands-and-theyre-really-really-not-happy-about-it/ )
As soon as I read it, I needed to write in my blog. "Did it trigger you too?" Actually it had me laughing. "You're part of the problem!" Um no, I'm pointing out the problem. So let's review. If you still don't believe me, I dare you to finish reading the blog and at the end I give you a way to protect yourself from this.
The women was a divorced mom and she reconnected with a man, who she knew when they were young, after her divorce. Soon after they started their journey on love, he quit his job to help with childcare. She was an executive and was not found of this idea but believed it was temporary. Problem was after they were married, he never found a job. Instead he went back to school and became a financial burden to her. Soon she realized that he was going to become her burden. So she wanted a divorce. She paid for legal fees, therapy and at the end? She ended up paying alimony. 1,000 a month for over a year. Why? He did not work. On top she was only getting $300 in child support from her ex. Ouch.
Now let me make this clear, I was not laughing at her situation. It's horrible for someone to go back to school when they are not working and forcing the main provider to pay for this burden. Even worse is that she had shared custody with her ex so it wasn't like him staying home saved her money on child care.
"Why did you laugh then?" It's a bad habit of mine to laugh at the irony of situations. What does this mean? Look up any article written about alimony and you'll get the picture. Ladies isn't this what you wanted? I mean I'm traditional, so this is not what I wanted. Isn't this what feminism is all about? Equality? I mean Ladies you are now the majority in degree holdings, you are decreasing the "Wage gap" with more men starting their own businesses, you are starting to hold a good percentage of those higher seats in companies. You want men to take your last name. (which unless you pick a brand new last name, you are using your father's last name that was passed down to the men through your family. Same with your mother's maiden name.) Don't you want to be the higher earner?
"I don't want to pay alimony!" Oh. okay then find someone who makes a lot more than you. Oh but there is a problem. All those men that are higher earners have their pick and are choosing stay at home moms or women who are less educated. In other words, the men you want don't want you. Ouch again. The biggest part of all this, is that I've heard this exact story from men as well. They were not happy about having to pay a woman they were married to barely a year alimony. Add on more costs if the woman had a child by him.
"But why is this happening! It's not fair." You are completely right. It is not fair on either end. Where did she go wrong? She married him when he didn't have a job and no prenup. She also probably should have given it more time before marriage, but I can't say for certain as it doesn't say.
"How do we fix this?" I'm not sure if this can. The ball is rolling and now it's heading down hill and picking up speed. Men no longer are pushing themselves or trying to find their purpose. The ones that are, there is more and more who are not interested in high powered, career oriented women.
But instead let's try to think of a solution to solve the alimony. Why not take alimony away except in situations of proven abuse to the spouse or children, and cheating? In all logical sense why was alimony put in place? To support the women who were divorced and could not support themselves or own property. Well now women can more than support themselves and can own property. So why do we still need it? Will this solve all the problems, no. It may help with finding a good partner as the partners who don't have a job won't get alimony. So men and women will be less likely to get used in marriage. Marriages will be more about long term instead of a short lived memory and money.
For those high powered, career women, read articles from men to men on how to deal with a situation like this. There are a lot of them. Everything from a prenup to how to protect your business from your spouse. I hate to say it but if you are going down this road, you need to learn to protect yourself like men have learned from other men. Weaker men are learning the same roads, that gold digging females have used for ages to get the law to work in their favor without having to do much. The only real way to fight this is to learn how to protect against it. The best people to learn this from are men. Again ladies, I want you to protect yourself from this situation. No one wants to be cheated in marriage and it's horrible that she had faith in him and it was misplaced. The best way to protect your self and assets, is to learn from those who have been dealing with this forever.
As always, take hold of your own future and Protect yourself.
For those who want a good article on how to protect your business from your spouse or a future spouse here is a great article for men and women in this situation.
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